To Be Or Not To Be

To Be or Not to Be

Was I a "Christopher Robin" or a Jewel Thief?

Stealing the hearts of young girls with just one sweep..

   One sweep off their feet— with the money, the clothes, the jewelry, the hair, the shoes, and the sweets..

The Sweet tooth:  for the sweet c_____h

But was I really being "me" 

   .... or there's truly?

Was I clay.... for someone else's play?


Was I being to "be" or "not to be"?



Or was I a frame and the opinion of others was "me"?


Was I keeping it real & one-hun'ed how the trappa's be?


Or was the real me buried underneath the layers of each make believe?




The real me was buried underneath the make believes.. 


...the weed, the fake needs, the Twitter feed, the lead's— on 




   ...the soft porn 


the you need me & my weed—more than you think ...


To the cake like abuse...


The frosting were hits to their face..

The relations was fragile like a glass case.. 


But their were no "—ships" because how can the same sex have a "real" relationship— 


So the "—ship" was fragile & mixed in  was verbal abuse and misuse ..


And the candles were handles of fake care & fake love... 


just to get them intoxicated again as if they were a dove soaring high above....


Because I thought they needed me.


So I thought... 



God saved me

He delivered me 

He rescued me 

and He restored me


But He first renewed me:


The tainted shrine in my mind..

The shrine of fantasy lust— that at just one peak .... you'll get stuck..


That's how deep, sick, demonic, and crazy it was.. That fantasy & fulfilled lust.


It was sickening and tormenting 


That at one time I thought it was beautiful to me... 


*But thank God for delivering me!*



That He opened my eyes to see & my heart to believe..


in Him.. 


    that He's not make believe..


 & I don't have to fake how Adam did with the leaves.. 


And All I need...


Is be real and open..

    To allow Him to peal & i be broken 


      To allow Him to peal off the scales of my brokenness; & my ocean like sickness of deep hurts, waves of pain, winds of sorrow, years of fears, and trust like issues —that caused me deep blues


  and rivers of sadness, and out lashes that weren't really badness: but more like

"You Can Have This" because I need

assurance, and validation, and confidence, and faith, and healing, and love, and joy, and extreme peace—


   But I'm saying it with these actions: can't you see!



and God will take that as a token—


A token to help me, to teach me, to heal me, and to set me free.


Because behind those lies, I wanted to be free— but then I didn't know what free was truly.


I thought it was make believe... Because I thought then.. Who's really free? Nobody can be free—everybody is hurting—so this is just normal.


But wrong, it was abnormal. There is freedom in Jesus, because whom the Son sets free is free indeed (John 8:36).



Be encouraged in The Lord— God Bless.