It Was Enough

My Valley of Tears End

 

I had a lot of pain inside of me, I would ask myself how I'm going to do it, can I keep going with this pain? I would tell myself "Don't give up" so I wiped my tears and kept going on with my day. 

At age 10 or younger I was physically abused by my dad, the one that everyone looked up to except for me! The first time was when I lived in Puerto Rico. 

At age 12 I was raped by one of my family members and by one of my family friends. I was devastated because I was touched and I felt dirty! I felt like a unworthy child and I always told myself it was my fault and that person kept touching me until we moved to Houston. 

Well the violence kept going. I remember coming back from school one day and I said something back in English to my dad. He got me in the corner of the hall and started to beat me up. I was crying and I was saying stop, but he kept going and my body was in so much pain. I was sore and my face didn't have any scratches because I covered it;however my legs and the rest of my body had bruises. My mom didn't stop him either because my mom was being physically abused too. She was scared! I knew that God existed but like everyone else that is in pain I blamed Him and didn't care bout him. I questioned Him like how can this happen to me when I go to church, how do you let my dad beat me up every day, where are you? I got tired and I stopped going to church. I was bullied and made fun of because of my bruised body. When I got to high school I started taking dance because I loved to dance and I knew that it would help me with my pain. The physical, emotional and verbal abuse kept going on.

One day I received a phone call when I was in dance practice, but I didn't want to pick up. I ended up answering the phone and they were asking for my sister Ashlie. I told the lady I was her sister Naomi and that Ashlie wasn't here. She told me "oh I was calling to invite her to church!" I stood quiet for a second and I was like "well okay I will let her know!" The lady ended up inviting me to church too and after I thought about it and I said yes. She sounded happy and told me the pastors will pick me up Sunday. 

I didn't tell my parents about it though, so I got up Sunday and was ready to go. My mom asked where I was going and I told her I was going to church and she didn't mind but my dad did! My mind was telling me no don't go you don't need that stay out of there, but I didn't want to listen. The pastors picked me up and I was nervous when I got to church. The pastor was preaching and he got down from the altar and came straight to me. He touched my shoulder and told me " I know you are in pain, I know you are looking for love and you haven't found it, you don't know what to do and you cry every day and night but I am here for you come to me my child. Do you know I love you?" I felt my cheeks getting wet, tears were falling and I couldn't fight anymore and I gave my life to God. However, that's when the battle started and my dad beat me up more and he would curse at me and there were more fights with my mom. I would cry more and I felt between a wall and a sword. 

3 days after I got saved something horrible happened. I was sleeping and I felt hot, but I couldn't wake up. I wanted to get up but I couldn't and I saw a guy next to me in all black. I couldn't see his eyes and I wanted to scream but I couldn't and I was sweating and shaking. He wanted to hurt me so bad and I got scared but inside my mind someone said "rebuke him, rebuke him" I did and I knew he was hearing me, I told him "I rebuke you in the name of Jesus get out, leave!" He laughed and I said "I am a child of God and I command you to get out" and he left. When I got up my skin was bleeding, my legs were scratched and I was shaking. I was tormented every other day by this demon until one day I got up and I saw him and told him "you ain't nobody get out I'm not scared of you." After that he never came back. 

At age 18 I never thought I was going to go through this, but the first time in years my mom laid hands on me. She hit

me, she dragged me to the restroom, hit my head on the toilet, pulled my hair and punched me like never before. She picked me up and threw me in my room and all because of my sister. My family was not with God so I knew the devil was using them. I got up and told God "where are you why are you letting this happen why me again why make this stop please?" I started to hear a voice inside my head saying "kill yourself!" The suicidal thoughts were getting to me and I got up, went to the kitchen, grabbed a cup of water and got some sleeping pills. I went to my room looked at them and sat down on my bed. The thoughts were getting louder and louder and started getting to me! I gave up and I opened the bottle and drank two pills but I didn't notice anything and I kept drinking more until I had drunk 18 pills in less than 10 minutes. I laid down and I went to sleep. I felt a horrible pain in my stomach and I ran to the restroom and I started to have more pain. I started to cry holding my stomach and I got up and went to my room. Laid down crying telling God "I am so sorry" I just knew I was going to go to hell! I told him "please give me another chance please God don't let me go!" I was giving up and I closed my eyes, I said my last words, "I love you God, I love you Jovanny (my boyfriend, who is now my husband) . It was dark like a tunnel, it was hot and with no lights. I looked up and I saw white, I heard a voice say " I'm still not finished with you" I heard someone calling me "Tiny" twice and I opened my eyes and I looked and it was my mother she said " I love you" and she closed the door. My tears were falling and I was shaking, I just couldn't believe that I was alive! At that moment I made a promise to God to never ever try to kill myself.

I have gone through a lot from losing Sarahi, the person that called me to go to church, to losing my best friend in a car accident and from people persecuting me since I gave my life to God. However, none of that matters anymore because God has not left me. Although my family is not saved yet I know they will get saved one day. My dad hasn't laid hands on me and he respects me a little bit more. Thanks to God I am alive and I will always Glorify him! I love God with all my life and soul! You might be going through a lot but God is not finished with you, don't give up! All the Glory to my King!! God I love you!! Hallelujah!