From Living In Sin To Being Sick With An Incurable Disease To Healing and Living For God

I like a lot of people grew up in a Christian home. I grew up my whole life being taught Jesus Christ and that he died for our sins. My whole life I knew about heaven and hell and that the way we lived on Earth determined where we'd go after we died. I was infilled with the Holy Spirit when I was young in like elementary school. I always knew right and wrong and usually did the right thing. So let's fast forward to 18. So I was mostly sheltered my whole life because my parents were Christians and they didn't want me to make the same mistakes they did. So I wasn't the type of kid who smoked with their parents or had their parents buy them bottles etc that would never fly with my folks. So my freshman year of college I started drinking a lot and smoking a lot. I barely paid attention to my studies and was really just going to school to make my parents happy. So winter break I showed my parents my grades and they were terrible so my dad told me I had one more semester to do better or I had to come home. So I go back to school my second semester and I didn't take what my dad said seriously. I was still turning up and high most of the time. So summer came and I showed my parents my grades and I still didn't do good so my dad told me I couldn't go back and had to go to community college. So I started to literally resent my parents I was so mad they made me come back home. So we were always arguing and not really getting along and it went on for years because I was just so tired of listening to rules. I came home when I wanted and for the most part did whatever I wanted. So I started community college but like I said I never really wanted to be in school so I was still going just to go and I was high like all the time. So let's fast forward to 2016, the worst year of my life seriously I would never want to relive it again. So I  got a boyfriend at the beginning of the year and a few months later my parents had found out I lost my virginity. Christian parents are a different breed though so when mine found out they were pretty mad because they always told me to wait til marriage. So my mom was telling me to go get a pregnancy test and to get tested. So I go get tested and I wasn't pregnant, but I got my results back from the doctor and it said I had HPV. So I was really sad and I just kept beating myself up about it. My dad always told me a lady had sex one time and the person gave her AIDS. So me and my parents were still arguing and I ended up leaving my house but I came back after two weeks. So I always kept Bible verses as my header and would change them every couple weeks. So one day I stumbled across Proverbs 30:25- She is clothed with strength and dignity, she can smile at the days to come. I told myself I wasn't gonna change it until I finally was really happy about everything going on in my life. So fast forward to August my 21st birthday was coming up and I just had this strong feeling that I was gonna be kicked out or I was gonna leave again. I felt like since I was 21 there should be no reason for all these rules still. So my dad got really mad one day because I disobeyed him and told me to pack my bags because if I can't listen to them there's no reason for me to be living there. So I packed my bags and had my friend come pick me up and drop me off at my boyfriend at the time house. My dad always told me that life had a way of beating you down and that if I left like that I was doomed because I left on wrong terms and all my parents were tryna do was help me. So let me just tell yall I literally was doomed. So I was really sad because my parents stopped talking to me and my mom actually blocked my number. It's like I know I wanted to be on my own but I literally was just so sad all the time. I started to go to the bar with my coworkers and the devil kept telling me my parents didn't love me anymore and that they'd just be better off if they didn't have to worry about me. I remember I got really drunk and I was just venting to my coworker about how much I really missed my parents and that we just didn't get along I was so drunk and crying so bad. So my younger brother called me one day and he asked if I talked to my parents and I said no I don't think they love me anymore they don't talk to me. He told me he would talk to them because that wasn't okay. So one day I was at work and my older brother came and had Edible Arrangements for me from my parents saying they still loved me. I was just so happy I missed them so much. So me and my parents were on good terms now but then bad things started happening. I lost my wallet and I knew I was being judged for not honoring my parents like the Bible said. I was just so upset and crying because all my identification was in there. So randomly I started getting this really bad stomach pain, I was bleeding irregularly, I'd get really dizzy it felt like I was gonna pass out, and I was throwing up randomly. The bleeding wasn't just like a regular period one time I bled for 2 weeks straight, I'd be in the shower and a WHOLE BUNCH of blood would just be flowing out. I'd cry to God like Lord why is this happening to me what's going on with my body. I'd google symptoms about the results I got from the doctor and it would just make me more sad. Never google your symptoms just go to the doctor you will literally think you're dying. So one night I woke up with horrible stomach pains and asked my mom to pick me up and she told me no you live on your own now and my dad told me if I called back home again I'd have to come home. So the pain would stay for some days and then leave. So like a month later I felt really horrible and the stomach pain hurt so bad so I called my mom again. So I went to the hospital and found out I was dehydrated but they didn't know why I was having the stomach pains and nausea. So a couple days later my dad reminded me of our agreement and said to come back home. So I was battling myself because I knew I needed to go home because so much bad stuff was happening to me but I didn't wanna go back home to rules. So I went back home and I set up a doctors appointment. So I got retested and found out the results were worse than first one months ago and that it was something that doesn't go away, it was genital herpes. So I got really sad and fell into depression like I was sad all the time and cried all day. I was talking to my dad and he told me people get healed all the time and that the doctor says one thing and God steps in and says another. So after years of only talking to God when I needed something I turned to Him. I said Lord I know you're the healer and I don't want to live like this. So everyday I prayed and asked God to heal me. I remember at New Year's service the pastor said just be grateful you made it to the new year and you have good health and I just remember being sad like no I don't have good health you don't know the half of it. So like a week later I went back to the doctor. The nurse asked me what I was there for and I told her. So this whole time I'm just sad crying to myself hoping nobody sees me. She comes back in and she's like so where do you see that I don't see anything on my computer screen so I show her my phone. She goes to get the OBGYN and the doctor tells me all your results came back negative there was never anything wrong with you. I'm like wait what about the excessive bleeding, what about this and that and she's like no you're fine. So I go in the bathroom and start crying and praise God, thanking Him for healing me. A giant burden was lifted from my shoulders and that depression went right away. I called my dad and he said I told you when God steps in He gets the last say. So that was my warning from God to stop having sex before marriage and I should've stopped but I didn't. So after that day I started praying more and after YEARS of not reading the Bible I started reading it. So a couple weeks after that I was praying in the spirit and God spoke to me through my heart and told me that my name was in the Book of Life and there was a place in heaven for me. I bussed out crying and praising God so bad. Like only God knows that even in my sin I still wanted to go to heaven. I used to think I'd die in my sin and wake my eyes up in hell. I always wondered if my name had been blotted out from the Book of Life because I was in so much sin. So I should've changed right away but I didn't but I did ask God to deliver me from weed and alcohol and told Him I needed help and that I couldn't do it alone. So I remember going to church one day and I didn't even wanna go because my 2nd cousin is the pastor and she always calls you out to do something. I've only been a couple times but every time she'd say Monique I don't know what it is but every time you come here I feel like God is tryna tell you something. So of course she said it again that time and I'm like OMG why she always putting me on the spot. So she calls the youth up to the alter it was youth day that day. And so she tells me no don't praise God regularly pray in the spirit he hasn't heard your heavenly language in awhile. So I'm praying in the spirit people keep laying hands on me I'm just crying and crying and praying. I open my eyes and I was the only one still up there praying. I didn't realize my life would be changed after that day. So I was still smoking but I realized that every time I smoked my back would start to hurt really bad. I was talking to my mom and she told me that tobacco caused cramps and pain. So I was smoking sheets and funnel so I was like okay maybe I should start smoking without the funnel thinking that would work. So I smoked the jay and my back was still hurting. So I was like okay you need to take a break from smoking. I took like a 2 day break lol smh until the back pain went away. Tried smoking again and my back hurt worse than the times before. So I'm like okay you obviously need to stop smoking and I'm thinking of alternatives maybe eat weed brownies sometimes lol I was terrible. So I take like a week break and here comes the devil. My coworker was like walk with me to the gas station and I'm like okay. So she brings out a jay and I just knew I shouldn't smoke but I did anyway but omg my back hurt so bad after I was like wow I shouldn't have smoked. So I'm telling myself like okay you are done smoking it's obviously a sign. So a couple weeks pass and here comes the same coworker I used to always smoke with so she pulls out a jay and before we're even done smoking I already feel my back hurting. It literally felt like it was on fire and I woke up the next day and I could barely breathe. It felt like my chest was restricted from breathing it was so scary OMG that's never happened to me before. So I'm talking to my boss and I'm like will back massages help with back pain and he's like it depends what kind of pain, but I told him what about if I can't really breathe and he's like oh no you need to go to the doctor. So I'm like okay I'm gonna help the kids first and then I'll go. Literally I'm thinking I'm gonna stay at work and I felt my chest close more I was so scared. So I go to the doctor and I'm just crying because it felt like deja vu all over again. I'm like Lord okay I get it I'm done smoking. So that day I gave up smoking and drinking. So one day I tweeted I'm so glad I gave up the turn up life and this girl mentioned me back and she was like I can give up the turn up but I know I'll still fornicate. So I'm like yeah that's something I'll have to work on. So one of my followers comes from out of nowhere and mentions us both 2 scriptures and one of them was that no unclean thing will inherit the kingdom. So I'm like wow if I can give up drinking and smoking why let sex before marriage keep me from heaven. And after this I felt so free ya'll I just cried and cried and cried. That freedom you get when you're no longer in sin is wonderful and it's crazy because I didn't realize I was in bondage until I was free from it. The devil had such a strong hold on me and I didn't even realize it. That day at my cousin's church was my spirit crying out to Jesus saying Lord please help me I didn't want to live this way anymore. That's why  she told me to pray in the spirit because if I was praying regularly I would've been saying the regular "hallelujah, thank you Jesus" but praying in the spirit my spirit was interceding with God and when we pray in the spirit our prayer aligns with God's will and God's will was for me to be saved. I actually cried typing this because I really went through a lot and the whole time God was with me all along. After rededicating my life to God I was so happy and I was finally able to change my header. I didn't even know it was a sign from God telling me one day I was gonna be able to smile again. It's like I didn't even realize how sad I was. We try to fill that void in our hearts with everything but God and it never works no matter how hard we try.  Accept Jesus as Lord and Savior He is the best thing that's ever happened to me. I will never leave you again Lord, you never left me<3